Grieving The Loss Of Your Pet Rabbit
Guilt
After shock and disbelief, you may feel a sense of guilt at the death of your pet rabbit. It's not an unusual feeling. After all, your pet rabbit depended completely upon you. You feel like you let him down.
Please do not be too hard on yourself.
Chances are that nothing you did caused your rabbit's death. If you were able to keep your rabbit alive for several months, then your care was adequate.
If your rabbit died shortly after you brought him home, he may have failed to make an adjustment or stressed simply from the move.
While I do think that it is a good idea to go over your care routine with someone knowledgeable about rabbits before you get a new rabbit, I do not think that blaming yourself for the rabbit's death is a good idea.
Certainly anyone who cares enough to read about grief and loss of their rabbit cared enough not to purposely hurt their pet bunny.
If you do discover some care issue that needs to be changed, you still don't need to be too hard on yourself. There is much misinformation about rabbit care. Do not let guilt interfere with your ability and entitlement to grieve your loss.
I lost a beloved rabbit, The Nature Trail's Bette, when our feed company had to recall feed. I spent a week dissolving her pellets in Pedialyte and force feeding them to her. When I found out about the recall, I realized I had been making her eat the contaminated pellets all week. When she died, I experienced a great deal of guilt along with the grief.
I still miss her and find my eyes tearing as I write about her death even now.
Why Did My Rabbit Die?
Sometimes the answer is very clear. Pet rabbits can be killed by neighborhood dogs (whether they can touch them or not) or die after a diagnosis at the vet. Perhaps your rabbit was very old. Other times, you find your rabbit suddenly dead from no apparent reason.
Unfortunately, your only chance for an answer may be to have a necropsy performed on your rabbit. Your
rabbit may have died from a spider bite, heart failure, renal failure, cancer, pneumonia, or many other things far beyond your control.
A necropsy may not be able to give you a specific cause of death, but it
should narrow the possibilities down to which body system was affected.
He Was Just A Rabbit - I'm Being Silly
Don't let anyone convince you that you are silly to grieve the loss of your pet rabbit. He or she meant a great deal to you and/or your family. He was part of your life and part of your daily routine. Pets provide love and affection, entertainment and diversion, and allow you to feel the joy of providing care to another being. They are warm and furry, cute and loveable. You will miss that. And you have a right to your grief.
How Then Do I Grieve?
Grieving takes a period of time. No one can tell you how long you will or should grieve, but you should be in no hurry to skip over it.
Do not give in to the temptation to replace your pet right away. Give yourself and your family time to grieve.
Grieving takes time, but time alone is not sufficient for grief. Grieving is more active than that.
One of your first responses may be to cry. If it is, then let the tears fall. And you are entitled to as many cries as you need or want to help you express your sadness.
Some people can talk about their feelings easily. If you are one of those, find someone you trust and ask them if you can talk about your pet for awhile. Tell them they don't have to say anything back, if they don't want to. Talk about the wonderful times you had together or about how much it hurts to be without your pet. Confess any guilt you may feel and then let it go.
Plan some sort of ritual to commemorate your pet rabbit's life. Perhaps you will have a graveside service with your family. Maybe you can have a special memorial service with your loved ones several days after the death instead.
Plan ahead and ask each friend or family member to tell one story about your pet rabbit - something that made her very special.
Create something permanent or tangible to remember your pet rabbit by. Write a poem, put up a grave marker, paint a picture, or donate to an animal charity in honor of your pet rabbit. Post your pet rabbit's picture on the internet and share why he was so special. Frame pictures of your pet rabbit or draw his likeness.
Rest In Peace Granite Pet Memorial - GRAY GRANITE
When my son lost his dog a couple of years ago, he printed out several pictures we had on our computer of Bluebelle. Some of them, he colored. He pinned her pictures onto his bulletin board and they are there to this day. Those pictures are something tangible that he remembers her by.
When my daughter's dog died recently, I found her coloring a picture of Tip Tup with angel wings. He was with Millie, a dog that died several years ago. She had wings, too. That picture helped her visualize Tip Tup and Millie in a better place.
Other Helpful Hints
You may want to put away your pet's things for awhile, so that you can choose when you want to spend some time thinking about her. Seeing her favorite ball as you leave for work may not be the best timing.
Be extra nice to yourself while you are grieving. Grief takes a toll emotionally and it's a great time for simple indulgences. Don't do anything that will increase feelings of grief (gaining 5 lbs. won't help you feel better in the long run), but perhaps it's a good time to put off tackling a new project that can wait or maybe it's a good time to call a friend and see a movie together, if you enjoy that.
Your other pets may also be grieving. Watch for loss of appetite and signs of depression in your other furry friends.
Other Losses
Do not be surprised if you find yourself revisiting other grief you have experienced in your life. The emotions you feel at the loss of your pet rabbit can reawaken other feelings of loss, such as loss of parents or other family members, loss of previous pets, loss of friendships (perhaps to death or maybe to time and/or distance), divorce, or even loss of opportunities and choices.
When my mother lost her cat a few years ago, she found herself also grieving the loss of her career, cut short by a medical retirement.
When Children Grieve
Children vary a great deal in their expression of grief. Some are very obvious in their grief. They will cry and ask why something like this can happen.
Be supportive of your child's expressions of grief and let him know it is okay to cry.
My youngest daughter will suddenly say, more than four years after the death of her pet, "I miss Millie." I tell her it is okay to miss Millie and it's okay to still be sad sometimes. She will usually then go on to talk about some of the funny things that Millie use to do.
Think about what you want to teach your child about death, taking into consideration his or her personality and age. Whatever you decide to say, make sure that it is truthful, even if it is not complete in every detail.
Platitudes have a way of backfiring. Children who hear that their pets have been put to sleep may develop bedtime issues, for example. And make sure your description of God's part in death is consistent with your beliefs. Did God take her pet rabbit away from her on purpose?
Dealing with the death of a pet may be your child's first experience with death. Unfortunately, it will not be his last so it is important to learn some skills now with a pet that he or she may be able to use later when they lose grandparents, classmates, or other people in their lives.
Do not assume that your child is not grieving just because you do not see outward signs of grief. You may get glimpses from time to time into your quiet child's grief by listening closely. Encourage him or her to use other means to express feelings if they are not comfortable talking about them.
Children love to write their own books. Encourage them to write a book starring your pet rabbit. It is a way of preserving the memory and the joy they had with their pet. Children can sometimes grieve much more quickly than adults. But do not be surprised if you find your child revisiting his or her grief weeks, months, or years later.
Even after your child's outward signs of grief are over, look for the following signs that they are still troubled by the loss:
- Nightmares
- Inability to concentrate on school work
- New fears
- Acting out
- Loss of appetite
- Loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed
-
Pet Death Resources
Taking some time to devote to reading and feeling your loss may help you work through your grief. Knowing that someone else has felt what you now feel can help.
A book of poetry was written by a veterinarian while grieving the loss of her own pet bunny, Poochie.
When Only The Love Remains: The Pain Of Pet Loss
Written by a psychologist and a pet bereavement specialist, Saying Goodbye To The Pet You Love
Although Because of Winn-Dixie
I've also seen the movie, and while very good, it cannot touch the book for helping children realize that other people are also experiencing loss and are also having a hard time expressing their feelings. We are not alone in our grief.
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney
Who can be more comforting to children than Mr. Rogers? When A Pet Dies
Yahoo! Groups has several pet loss and pet death groups. If you want a place to talk or a place to publish your pet's picture and description, you may want to consider joining one of these groups. Be sure to join one that requires membership and is moderated.
When You are Really Ready
When the major part of your grief is done and you feel that you look forward to a new pet with joy and excitement, don't hesitate to get a new pet. Go forward with a full heart ready to enjoy your new companion for who he or she is. She won't replace the pet rabbit you lost. Nothing in the universe is exactly like him. But you can love your new pet fully when the time is right and enjoy that kind of relationship once again.